i already hear my dad disowning me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
