You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
