he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
