Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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