i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm having to shit out rocks
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