you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
