You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
