EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so let's talk penis.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
