I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
