apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
