May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
