The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
