I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
