i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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