This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my being single is dangerous.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
