Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
