I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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