sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
