When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
