I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
