Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
