forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
