Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
