I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
