I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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