i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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