we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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