How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
