Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
