His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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