i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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