Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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