i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
