i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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