if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My hand turned me down
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
