Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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