I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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