our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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