how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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