I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
