I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
