I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
