And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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