Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
