The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
