covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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