Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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