youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
