Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
