i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
