i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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